I am blessed to be born into a family full of women and to have many opportunities for learning from elders and grandparents. Until my senior year of college, my living family went back four generations of strong, independent women. I was raised to understand that aging doesn’t stop you—it makes you better. For years, all the women in our family did everything together. Every vacation was a “girls’ trip” filled with dancing, eating, and laughing, usually while the men in the family stayed behind (perhaps knowing they couldn’t keep up). My elders and grandparents were people to respect and learn from every day.
Yet on all of these trips—small shopping excursions, week-long beach getaways, even bus rides to New York City—I noticed a troubling pattern. The matriarch of my family, my grandmother, who had spent her life as a talented seamstress and raised three children on her own, was often invisible to the outside world.
When we went out to eat, the waitstaff turned to my mother with the menus and questions, even when my grandmother was the one paying. People bumped into her in stores as if they hadn’t even noticed she was standing there. Most painfully, I remember the day she came home, red-faced and furious, after being turned down for a seamstress job. The interviewer never said the words outright, but his meaning was clear: she was “too old.”
Age discrimination is illegal, but for my grandmother, this was just another quiet indignity of growing older. Sadly, her story is not unique.
The “Invisible Women Syndrome”
Experts and caregivers in our own Charlottesville community see this every day.
“I have noticed becoming invisible in the past few years,” says Lisa Murray, Community Engagement Specialist with JABA (Jefferson Area Board for Aging). She first became aware of this phenomenon after her children grew up and moved out. “I was no longer a mom but entered this undefined place… In retrospect, my children were most likely the thing being noticed, and I was already invisible before I even realized it.”
This is part of what’s been called the Invisible Women Syndrome: where women in midlife and beyond begin to “disappear” from public view—whether in restaurants, on public transit, at work, or in media.
A survey by Gransnet revealed that 70% of women feel invisible by age 50. Men experience this too, but often not until much later in life—well into their sixties. By age 80, most older adults, regardless of gender, report feeling unseen.
As Catherine Beebe, Caregiver Support Coordinator at JABA, notes:
“I think it’s valuable to know about these trends and to be aware of how they can affect behavior and society. I’m happier the more I think of myself as an individual and try to treat people as individuals… One thing I love about getting older is knowing myself better and better.”
Grandparents Day: A Time to Reflect
In a society that glorifies youth and beauty, it is not surprising that older adults—especially women—are often undervalued. But when this happens, we lose something valuable: the chance to connect across generations, to learn from our elders, to celebrate life in all its stages and phases. Luckily, Charlottesville families can choose a different path.
September is National Grandparents Month, with Grandparents Day falling on the first Sunday after Labor Day. While many families celebrate with brunch, gifts, or a heartfelt card, this year can also be an opportunity to reflect on how visible—and valued—our grandparents feel in daily life.
“Let September serve as a reminder to honor and uplift the voices of our elders who have paved the way for future generations, and to challenge the societal norms that make them invisible.”
Grandparents are not just babysitters or holiday visitors. They are storytellers, teachers, and living links to our history. By honoring their contributions and inviting them into everyday conversations, we strengthen both our families and our community.
5 Ways to Teach Children to Respect and Learn from Our Elders
Listen to Their Stories
Encourage kids to ask grandparents about their childhoods and careers. Write down or record these stories to preserve family history.
Celebrate Milestones
A card, call, or family dinner on birthdays, anniversaries, and Grandparents Day shows children how meaningful recognition can be.
Create Inclusive Spaces
Involve grandparents in family decisions and holiday planning. Their voices matter, and children learn empathy when they see elders included.
Challenge Stereotypes
Share books with kids that feature strong, wise grandparents. Explore our Books for Grandparents Day guide or check out Doing Good Together’s picture book list.
Volunteer & Connect Locally
Serve together at programs such as Meals on Wheels of Charlottesville/Albemarle, The Center at Belvedere, or intergenerational activities through JABA.
When we show children that their elders are a valuable part of everyday life, we don’t just create stronger families. We also create stronger communities and a better life for all generations.
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TY MYNES is a writer and marketing specialist at JABA, serving Charlottesville-area families through advocacy and storytelling about aging, caregiving, and community life.