“She’s nervous,” I told my coworker about my daughter, 11, as we sat outside on a summer day eating lunch. “Who can blame her? She’s going to middle school.”
“Middle school was awesome,” my coworker said, her voice laden with sarcasm. “I had braces and wore glasses and a back brace.”
“I wore braces, too,” I commented. “And I was the tallest kid in 7th grade. Boys called me the Jolly Green Giant.”
She nodded, chewing thoughtfully on her sandwich. I think I saw her shudder.
But that’s when it hit me. I looked at the two of us, all these years later, both successful at work and fulfilled with families and activities that we loved.
Middle school was painful and awkward for me. Yet when my daughter prepared to enter middle school, I couldn’t help but re-frame my experience. What if middle school didn’t crush us after all? What if the physical awkwardness and social mishaps of middle school taught me valuable life lessons that prepared me to be a productive, happy adult today?
I think the answer is that it did. And I can’t wait to tell my daughter why.
Life Lessons Learned in Middle School
Middle school teaches resilience.
You will fail in middle school. It’s inevitable. Maybe it’s a bad grade in algebra or being cut from the volleyball team. You will embarrass yourself in middle school. Maybe it’s tripping in front of the class or a shaky voice during a presentation. But you go back to middle school every day. You study harder and get help. You shake off the tryout and try something else. You fall down and get back up. You become resilient.
Middle school helps you embrace change.
Middle school is all about change. You will not be the same height or weight from one year to the next in middle school. You may or may not have the same friends. You will change classes like you change the toilet paper roll–constantly. Middle school is a daily affirmation that change is part of life, that it can be good or bad, but that you will survive it.
Middle school teaches conflict resolution.
Conflicts, like someone using your pen without permission or cutting in front of you in the cafeteria line, happen daily in middle school. Not to mention the assured conflicts between friend groups and daily tween and teen drama. Do you avoid or accommodate the situation? Meditate or challenge it? Each day provides an opportunity to work on communicating your side of the story and empathizing with the other side. The conflict may not resolve itself every time, but the chances to learn and grow are there.
Note: bullying is a form of conflict that is never okay. You should always talk to a teacher or trusted adult about bullying and be involved with your school to create and promote a safe environment for everyone.
Middle school teaches self-acceptance.
I still remember when a boy made fun of my butt in 8th grade, taunting me that it was flat compared to the other girls. But the truth? My less than curvaceous derriere didn’t bother me. It still doesn’t, even in a Kim Kardashian world. Middle school is when you get to decide what you like or accept about yourself, regardless of what others think. It is a time to begin to learn self confidence and self acceptance–important lessons not found in textbooks.
Middle school shows you what a true friend looks like.
Middle school friendships can be sources of comfort and support, but they also can be sources of pain and confusion. Did your supposed best friend reject you this week? Learn from it and choose someone kinder to be in your life. Middle school teaches you that you deserve friends that treat you well, friends that encourage you rather than tear you down. These are critical lessons young people will take into adulthood.
So as my daughter heads towards a new adventure in middle school, I will be there to remind her that the lessons and experiences of middle school, although they may be hard or uncomfortable, will mold her, not crush her. That middle school will teach her to become resilient, embrace change, deal with conflict, accept herself, and discover what makes a true friend.
Want to learn more about supporting your middle schooler? Check out our guides to different learning styles, homework success, and cultivating true college readiness from an early age.
50 Bonding Activities for Parents, Teens & Pre-teens
1. Cook together.
2. Take a walk around the neighborhood.
3. Stay up late when they stay up.
4. Get ice cream.
5. Go jogging or run a 5k.
6. Play backyard games like ladder ball or corn hole.
7. Take them bowling.
8. Text them. Send funny memes, motivational quotes, or anything that will make them smile.
9. Play golf or mini golf.
10. Find a genre of movies or shows you both like to stream.
11. Or go to the movies or live theater.
12. Attend a local sporting event.
13. Run errands. It sounds weird, but my son will often come with me to chat and ask me to swing through the drive thru for a snack.
14. Play video games.
15. Hit the hiking trails.
16. Go to a concert.
17. Laugh at their jokes. Yes, even the ones about bodily functions!
18. Take a class together.
19. Bond over your pets. Walk the dog or feed the guinea pig.
20. Go on a day trip.
21. Or take a longer weekend trip.
22. Spend time teaching them something he needs to know. Do they know how to do laundry or make a bed with hospital corners?
23. Listen to the same podcast.
24. Attend a boat, car, or home improvement show.
25. Take them out to lunch or dinner. Just the two of you.
26. Go fishing.
27. Spend the afternoon boating or sailing.
28. Watch a sunset together.
29. Head to the zoo or aquarium.
30. Show up for their meets, games, concerts, and other activities. Tell them how much you love watching them.
31. Ride horses.
32. Ride bikes.
33. Share an inside joke. Tell it for years to come.
34. Make crafts.
35. Plant and tend a garden.
36. Spend a relaxing day at the beach.
37. Buy their favorite snacks (in large quantities!) and enjoy watching them eat them.
38. Build or fix something together.
39. Play cards or board games.
40. Do a jigsaw puzzle.
41. Join the same gym and work out together.
42. Play paintball or laser tag.
43. Volunteer together. There are tons of causes in which you can serve alongside each other, such as food pantries or animal shelters.
44. Play tennis or pickleball.
45. Hug them–and celebrate if they hug you back!
46. Embrace boredom and do nothing. You’ll be surprised how much you simply treasure being in the same room with them.
47. Read the same book and talk about it.
48. Tell them you love them. Every day.
49. Cherish every time they say, “Love you, too.”
50. Watch football, basketball, hockey, tennis, gymnastics or any other sport they love. Even if you don’t know the players’ names, salaries, or statistics. Just be with them.
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Katy M. Clark is a writer and mom of two who embraces her imperfections on her blog Experienced Bad Mom. She is an award-winning writer who has appeared on Scary Mommy, SheKnows Parenting, and Your Teen for Parents. Her articles have been published in magazines including Pregnancy, Ann Arbor Family, Pittsburgh Parent, and more.