How many times have you thought during a winter holiday or summer break, “I can’t wait to get my children back in a routine?” Many kids and parents do best with some kind of routine or structure.
But why do routines matter? How do you create routines and stick to them? And what are routines that are backed by research that you can start today?
1. Why Are Routines Important for Kids and Parents?
Family routines are any activity your family regularly does that involves two or more family members. Family routines could include mealtimes, bedtimes, chores, getting ready for school, or getting ready for bedtime. Really, they are the activities that in your days that happen in a regular and predictable way.
Family routines are associated with many benefits for parents and kids. These benefits include:
- Increased resilience and self-regulation abilities
- More advanced social-emotional development
- Fewer behavioral problems
- Improved school readiness and academic performance
- Enhanced cognitive abilities (IQ)
- Improved attention and time management skills as adults
The Benefits of Routines at Bedtime
For kids, a bedtime routine is one of the most important routine of all. Research finds that bedtime routines are associated with many positive sleep benefits for kids, as well as being helpful for parents! Consistent bedtime routines can lead to:
- Earlier bedtime
- Increased sleep time
- Fewer night wakings
- Improved parent sleep
- Improved mood
- Enhanced self-regulation and fewer behavioral
problems - Reduced parent stress
How Can Routines Make Family Life Easier?
Routines are comforting for both children and parents. Routines help children to feel safe and secure. When life is predictable, children worry less about what will come next. This frees up their minds to learn about the world around them!
The predictability that routines create also help children to:
- Understand what is expected from them
- Connect with parents and caregivers
- Work on social skills
For parents, routines can help to eliminate power struggles. If your child brushes their teeth every single night, the two of you are less likely to fight over whether or not it will happen. It’s just part of the day because it happens every day.
Routines may also help young children with transitioning from one activity to the next. For example, if you always say “goodbye” to the playground when you leave, this helps signal to your child that it’s time to go home. They’ll have an easier time accepting the transition.
Five Strategies for Building Family Routines
Routines are clearly important. But the hardest part of establishing any routine is getting it started. This is particularly true when you feel like you are already struggling to get through everything you have to do in a day.
If you want to build family routines but aren’t sure where to start, the following strategies may help.
1. Have a family meeting
Sit down together as a family and brainstorm together. Come up with a new routine that everyone agrees to implement. This could be a more consistent bedtime routine, a clear plan to get ready for school in the mornings, a family movie night, or a schedule for doing chores on the weekend.
2. Find the fun part
Identify at least one part of the routine that will be fun for your child. For example, are you are trying to follow a more consistent bedtime routine? Include some one-on-one play time or special book reading. Want to start a new chore system for the weekends? Schedule a family reward afterward, like a trip out for donuts.
3. Get the order right
For more complicated routines, order the tasks in a way that starts with a “less fun” activity followed by a “more fun” activity. For example, putting on shoes followed by racing to the car. If you have young children, create a chart that includes words and pictures to help them remember what will happen. Refer to the chart frequently during the routine.
4. Plan for consistency
Decide together when and how often the routine will happen. Research finds that what matters is how consistent the routines are rather than how frequently they occur. For example, it’s better for a routine to happen consistently once per week than inconsistently every day. Predictably helps kids and parents both!
5. Start small
Implement one new routine at a time. Try your new routine out for just one day and see how it works. Or, try only one part of your routine to start. After trying out the routine, have another family meeting to see if it is working for everyone. Make any needed changes, then try the routine again.
Find links to all of the research studies cited in this article here.
Three Research-Backed Routines Parents Can Start Today
Many parents love the idea of routines but aren’t sure where to start. Or maybe you’re worried about taking the fun and joy out of family life by bogging your days down with structure.
What routines can work into your schedule that are fun and backed by research? Here are three options you can start today to improve your family life.
1. Storytelling and Songs
Research finds that, when parents regularly engage in storytelling (that is, making up stories and telling them to their children) and singing songs to their children, their children show improved social-emotional skills.
- Storytelling was associated with children being 1.9x more likely to have advanced social-emotional skills.
- Singing songs to children was associated with children being 1.5x more likely to have advanced social-emotional skills.
The best thing about storytelling and songs is that they can be seamlessly incorporated into your everyday routine without much additional work. You can start telling your children stories on the way to school. Or, you can sing songs while they are in the bath or during diaper changes or “potty time.”
Even older kids will respond to songs and stories. For example, you could pick a family-favorite song to hype everyone up for cleaning on Saturday morning.
2. Special Time
Special time is regular one-on-one time that you spend with your child. Although you might be thinking that you already spend a lot of time with your child, special time is different.
Special time involves your attention fully focused on your child with no distractions. That means no siblings, no phones, no TV on in the background. No multitasking with chores, like checking on dinner or changing over the laundry.
Special time also involves following your child’s lead. They choose what to do and you just follow along. Try to avoid questions, demands, or even teaching moments.
“Special time” might sound simple. But it will have a huge impact on your relationship and improve your child’s behavior. Nearly every research-supported parenting program, such as such as Parent-Child Interaction Therapy and the Incredible Years, includes “special time” as an essential step. This research finds that:
- Special time seems to significantly improve children’s behavior, even before other elements of a parenting program are implemented.
- Children who played with a parent or relative several times per week were 30% more likely to have enhanced social-emotional skills.
3. Family Meals
Research finds that having family meals has many long-term benefits for children. Children whose families have regular meals together are less likely to experience:
- Disordered eating
- Feelings of depression
- Academic issues
- Problems with aggression and oppositional behavior
Children who eat family meals are also more likely to show:
- Healthier eating habits
- Improved health
- Advanced social-emotional skills
If having a family meal once per day is not a realistic goal for you, don’t worry. Research suggests that three times per week may be sufficient to have an impact. If even three times a week is too much, start with just one good family meal per week. Then, build up to more over time.
Remember, a family meal doesn’t have to be dinner. That’s not always realistic for busy families. Eating a meal together can happen at breakfast, lunch on the weekends, or even a pre-bedtime snack!
The goal with all of these strategies isn’t perfection. It’s to start creating routines where you can. As you work to build consistency, predictability, and time together into your family life, you will see enormous benefits for both kids and parents.
Find more tips to make parenting easier and family life fun! Discover the benefits of risky play and learn the science of sibling relationships. Plus, find out what parents should know about autism research.
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DR. CARA DAMIANO GOODWIN, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a Charlottesville mother to four children. She received a PhD in child clinical psychology from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a Master’s in Developmental Psychiatry from Cambridge University, and a Master’s in Child Psychology from Vanderbilt University. She specializes in child development and has spent years researching child psychology and neuroscience and providing therapy and clinical services for children of all ages. Dr. Goodwin translates recent scientific research into information parents can access and implement in their everyday lives through her Instagram account and website.